So you saw the photo--- maybe you clicked on the link right away. Maybe you passed it by thinking how distasteful of her. Maybe it’s appeared in your news feed more than once and in the repetitiveness you finally gave in. Maybe you were curious, maybe you were envious, maybe you wanted to know why. Maybe, you’ll never read this. But, whatever the case, know I wrote this for every woman. No matter size, shape, age, status, orientation, religion, or any other varying factor. I wrote this for us!
It was a quiet Sunday morning. And in those early hours of daylight while I was sipping my honey and lemon water, browsing through emails and various social media outlets an article came across my news feed. “Aging While Female Is Not Your Worst Nightmare” by Lori Day (www.feministcurrent.com). In the article, Day speaks to the numerous injustices that are being a woman. (I highly encourage you to read the article and invite you to comment and continue this discussion).
In the article she talks about the struggles that many women have as they grow from adolescence into adulthood. Lives that are tattered with “sexual harassment, sexism, mommy wars, pay gaps, and gender put downs.” She recognizes the change that happens somewhere in middle age-- where women no longer recognize their own reflections. A disconnect between how they feel inside and how the look outwardly. It is quite the nightmare. But it doesn’t have to be. Truly.
Gang, that is exactly what this photo represents. It’s me--- It’s me scantily clothed. It’s me in a suggestive posture. It’s me with stretchmarks on my bum. It’s me embracing new adventures and learning to love myself where I am right now in this moment. It’s me. Connecting the inner me. the one that is full of passion, love, and grace, with the outer me that the rest of the world sees.
And for those wondering, yes, I debated long and hard about sharing this photo. I thought about every single person that may see it. Friends, family, business partners, my husband’s business partners, and I kept coming back to the same thought. I am so proud of this photo.
I was the awkward kid. The one with braces and thick glasses, who had crazy hairy arms and legs (thanks to a hearty heritage). I was the girl made fun of for being so thin. I was the one who was told how I would never know what it was like to struggle with their size and body image. Yet nothing was further from the truth. Why are we so mean to one another?
We are so damn vain? And yes we all are--so much so-- that in our local magazine nearly every other page is an advertisement for plastic surgery. (ps I love my surgeon!) It takes at least a week sometime two or three to see my stylist (whom I too love very, very much!) We keep our standing appointments and add new ones. To maintain an image that we are comfortable with –within the constraints of what society tell is appropriate for our age and social status. Again, making aging is a nightmare.
And so somewhere in my mid thirties I decided to embrace my post baby body. The one with stretch marks and an umbilical hernia. I decided that I wasn’t going to give a damn anymore about what people thought. I wasn’t going to try to hide my size, pretend I didn’t color my hair or have a surgical touch up. I was going to embrace me as I was because I actually really like it. Great! More power to me--- Wrong.
Just so my confidence didn’t get too out of control – reality check. We moved to a new (wonderfully charming) neighborhood—there I was walking the dog in my yoga pants, sport bra and flowy yoga shirt (pretty standard look given I'm either going to or coming from teaching a class)---there were the looks again. Those same looks I’d get as I entered the pool with my three little kids not getting the memo it was a tankini only pool. And immediately I felt myself deflate and need to hide. My confidence and ego shot. Back to the skinny- hairy girl with the braces and glasses. (Note to self --- don’t walk the dog in yoga gear).
Why? Why do we make aging a nightmare for ourselves? A self induced dreadful nightmare?
Why do we do this to one another? Why friends?
I truly don't know why.
What I do know is sometimes you need to know that it’s totally okay to embrace you. Let your heart and soul shine. No matter what ‘they’ say. It’s you. Love you. Let go of the fear of ridicule. Somewhere along the journey of life—working, being mom, wife, friend, sister, and daughter, we as women begin to hide ourselves; cover up and hide. Maybe we think the nightmare will go away if we retreat enough? Unfortunately, it likely creates more nightmares.
Friends let your light shine so brightly! And share that light with everyone you met. Turn the nightmare into a delightful dream where you can just be you.
In Light and Life Friends!